Therapist

Therapist

On Being Lonley

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Be nice and gently welcoming to the curmudgeons you meet. Invite them to share coffee. Don’t push for reciprocal invitations, perhaps. And if you happen to be the curmudgeon, accept that invitation. It isn’t coming from a predator out to devour you. The lonelier you are, the more your attention is drawn toward negative social information, says one of the researchers, John Cacioppo, whose colleague and wife, Stephanie, led the study, which appeared in the journal Cortex. Lonely people seemed inadvertently hypervigilant to social threats. To read more, click here.

Where Does Love Go Wrong?

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Our loved one is our shelter in life. When this person is unavailable and unresponsive we are assailed by a tsunami of emotions — sadness, anger, hurt and above all, fear. This fear is wired in. Being able to rely on a loved one, to know that he or she will answer our call is our innate survival code. Research is clear, when we sense that a primary love relationship is threatened, we go into a primal panic. To read more from Dr. Sue Johnson, click here.

What is EFT?

Therapist

Emotionally focused therapy, as described by eft.ca:

EFT is usually a short term (8-20 sessions), structured approach to couples therapy formulated in the 1980’s and has developed alongside the science on adult attachment and bonding to expand our understanding about what is happening in couple relationships and to guide therapists. To read more about what EFT is.

Simply put, EFT is a proven technique that I use in my work with couples. EFT provides a theory of love that helps to explain why couples become disconnected and derailed in their marriages. I have used this technique time and again with great success. New cycles of bonding interactions occur and replace negative cycles. These positive cycles then become self-reinforcing and create permanent change.

Posted by: Lu Ann Ahrens, Marriage & Couples Counseling, San Bernardino County

About Lu Ann Ahrens

Therapist

img_aboutMy first job out of undergraduate school was at a large medical center in the Midwest where my job was to help hospitalized children adjust to their hospital experience. I also provided supportive counseling to the parents. It didn’t take long to notice something interesting about the parents of these very sick and sometimes terminal children. Having a very sick child took its toll on the parents’ relationship. My informal observation noted that probably half or more of the parents who started the hospital experience as an intact couple actually ended their experience still intact. It was far too often that the parents ended up either divorced or separated. I started asking a lot of questions about “Why?” Why could one set of parents make it and another couple, that was in similar circumstances, could not survive this ordeal? I have carried that question with me for a very long time. Only recently did I find answers. Read More

Thoughts on Relationships

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Love, security, satisfaction, companionship, and friendship are all words used to describe the positive relationships that we all desire and need in our lives. When two hearts become one, the joy and contentment can last a lifetime. In fact strong, healthy relationships are a cornerstone to building good physical health and mental well-being.