One of the age-old questions and not an easy one to answer.

Perhaps you are someone who falls head over heels in a matter of weeks, or maybe you’re more of a slow burner.

Everyone seems to fall in love, or at least think they have, at different rates and with different intensities.

How Old Are You?

Our age can affect how quickly we develop feelings with new partners.

This is due to a number of factors, including risk-aversion that develops later in life, as well as experience.

For example, younger adults or teenagers may feel as though they fall in love very quickly.

This is because the feelings are often very new and can be overwhelming to the point that they become very intense very quickly.

Younger people have not had the same exposure to heartbreak or relationship breakdowns in the same way that a middle-aged divorcee has, for instance. This plays a big role in the speed with which younger people fall in love, as they are essentially blind to the potential pain or risks that can come with it.

Those who are older may have been through several breakups, may have gotten a divorce, or may simply be more aware of the risks that come with relationships. As such, they tend to be more cautious when it comes to love.

To an extent, they may actively hold themselves back from feeling too much, meaning they fall in love more slowly. They slow the process down out of nervousness or as a self-protection strategy.

What’s Your Relationship History Like?

This goes hand-in-hand with age, of course, in that those with a longer dating history may be slightly more hesitant when it comes to throwing themselves into new relationships.

If we’ve been hurt in the past, it’s natural to hold back a bit and try to take things more steadily. People who are going into their first relationships often fall in love very quickly – especially if both partners are first-timers.

The feelings that arise feel so much more intense than they may for people who have already been in several serious relationships. The fewer partners we’ve had, the quicker we get attached to them, and the deeper that initial attachment tends to be.

Those who have had unfaithful partners may find it takes them longer to fall in love with future partners, however genuine their feelings may be. This need to protect ourselves from potential pain is part coping-mechanism and, in some ways, part evolutionary.

We learn to shelter ourselves from things that we think will cause us physical or emotional harm, which makes total sense. It’s important to remember that everyone is different, and that every relationship is therefore different, too.

Those who have been unfaithful may find themselves struggling to be open and loving, however much they want to be. The fear of hurting someone again or having it within them to cheat on someone that they care about can feel debilitating when it comes to new relationships.

Cheating is horrific, normally for both individuals in the relationship – the feelings of betrayal and shame can be awful for both people, and they tend to carry on into both people’s future relationships. But it’s not always as simple as saying that heartbreak leads to caution.

Some of us, when devastated by a break-up, crave those feelings of intimacy and love, almost to the extent that we fall in love incredibly quickly because we want it so much.

This makes sense, but it’s important to be self-aware and make sure your feelings are genuine before you get too stuck in to a new relationship. Make sure you really want to be with this person and not just any person who can fill a void!

Others have been so scarred by heartbreak that they are almost too scared to let their guards down, to trust someone, and to love again. This is understandable, but try not to close yourself off from feeling genuine emotion because you’re afraid it will hurt.

Remember that you made it through the last heartbreak and that you will make it through another one – should that ever happen, of course. The person you’re scared to let yourself love may actually be the one, so there’s no point worrying just yet!

People who have broken the hearts of others may be hesitant to throw themselves into another relationship and may hold back from using the ‘L’ word. If you know that you have ended a relationship and left someone totally broken-hearted, you might be slightly nervous about doing the same thing again.

You may have felt so in love with your ex at one point, and it scares you that you no longer feel that way. You may worry that if you fall in love with a new partner, there’s a risk that you’ll fall out of love with them, too, and leave them hurt and broken-hearted. This is always a risk, of course, you just have to decide if you think it is worth it.

What’s Your Personality And Mindset?

We’re all completely different people, which makes it impossible to put an exact timeframe on any behavior, especially one that involves such intense emotions as falling in love.

Some of us are pretty reckless in terms of personality – we tend to ‘wing it’ when it comes to travelling without plans (one-way plane tickets, anyone?) and can be relatively ‘scatty’ in our general life.

This often leads to us throwing ourselves into new relationships and falling in love very quickly. Those who have a more reserved personality type are, understandably… reserved when it comes to these kinds of feelings.

People who have had a tricky upbringing (through divorce or bullying, for example) tend to fall in love very quickly. We might feel slightly neglected which can lead us to seek out love and all its benefits – we want that emotional bond and crave intimacy and affection.

This is often due to feeling as though we missed out on these things when we were growing up. It can mean that our feelings of ‘love’ can be slightly misplaced as we look for that connection wherever it’s available.

This is something to be mindful of so that we don’t misdirect certain behaviors and feelings at people who may not actually be able to fulfil our needs as we need or want them to do. In terms of mindset, our general outlook on life will obviously affect every aspect of life – including love.

As you can probably guess, those with anxious personality types will take longer to fall in love, or at least realize that they’ve fallen in love (as these can be two very different things). Those who tend to worry or get nervous about a lot of things can find relationships very challenging.

Their natural tendency is to overthink things and worry about the consequences of their actions – and, when their actions involve another person who they care about, those worries can really intensify.

Love is often centered around trust (in a healthy relationship, at least!) which is something those with anxiety-ridden minds can really struggle with. As a result, the ‘worriers’ among us normally take longer to fall in love, but, when we do, we fall hard – if it’s worth all the overthinking, it’s got to be pretty special, after all.

On the other hand, those with a more positive, relaxed outlook can fall in love very quickly. That’s because they’re often programmed (or have programmed themselves to some extent) to see the best in everything.

Positive thinkers tend to fall in love quickly. They’re optimistic and their hope that things will go well ‘allows’ them to feel their emotions and trust the process.

Interestingly, outgoing individuals can go either way – some very confident people are so comfortable throwing themselves into new relationships that they let themselves feel things deeply and fall in love quickly. Other strong personality types are so used to being confident and happy with their own company, assurance, and self-love that they don’t crave romantic love in the way that other people do.

As such, they often adopt a ‘take it or leave it’ approach to relationships and love. It’s with these personality types that other factors, like age and relationship history make the difference.

BY LUCY VINESTOCK