How to Get Over Someone
The end of a relationship is never easy. Breakups are filled with raw emotions, including everything from hurt and betrayal to anger and sadness. But, just because heartbreak may feel like the end of the world, the reality is that the pain and anguish you feel right now is only temporary. Eventually, you’ll be able to move on—and one day you’ll find love again.
In fact, research indicates that it takes about 11 weeks to feel better after a dating relationship ends, according to a study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology. Meanwhile, a separate study found that it may take up to 18 months to heal if it’s a marriage that ends. Either way, neither situation goes on forever.
Just remember that getting over heartbreak and moving on is a grieving process that looks different for everyone. Consequently, don’t hold yourself to any set timeframe. There are a lot of factors that impact your healing including how long you were together, the memories and traditions you shared, and even if you had children together. But you will get through it.
Why Breaking Up Hurts So Much
Relationships with others form the foundation of a person’s life. As a result, when you lose a relationship, especially one that you considered important and central to your life, it’s like losing a part of yourself. It is not uncommon to feel like you have lost your sense of meaning and purpose in life. You may even feel like you lost a huge part of yourself. And, in some respects you did. You will not be the same person you were when you were with your ex.
But, if you wallow in that feeling of loss and shaken identity for too long, you will end up clinging to your past and desperately trying to “fix” the relationship so that you can get your ex—and yourself—back.
As difficult and painful as it might be to accept, you have to let that part of you and your life go. It’s part of the past. Yes, it is hard. But you can do it. You can take the steps needed to get on with your life.
How to Get Through a Breakup
Getting over someone has a lot more to do with how you think about the breakup, your ex, and even yourself, than it does following trying to erase the pain you are feeling. Consequently, as you navigate the muddy waters of your breakup, you need to continually remind yourself that this is a process, not a destination.
Not only do you need to be patient with yourself, but you also need to take this time to really think about who you are, who your ex was, and why your relationship didn’t work out. Learning from this experience will not only make you stronger, but it also will help you know what you want in a relationship and maybe have more success the next time around. Here are some steps to processing your breakup and getting on with your life.
Take Your Time
Getting over an ex is a process. It is not something you can rush through. What’s more, you should avoid rebound dating at all costs. While going out immediately after a breakup may put a band-aid on your pain, it won’t cure it. And as hard as it might be, you have to face your feelings and deal with them in honest and effective ways.
Sure, this process stinks. It takes a lot of time, energy, and hard work to process your feelings and emotions. But in the end it will be worth it because you will come out stronger and better than you were before.
Allow Yourself to Feel
No one enjoys experiencing pain. But the fact of the matter is, you have to allow yourself to feel if you are going to heal. Ignoring your feelings, pretending like they don’t exist, or trying to numb them in some way, is only going to set back your recovery. Be honest about the hurt, pain, and rejection you are feeling. There is no shame in being sad.
Chances are you spent a good portion of your life with this person and breaking up is bound to cause some very strong emotions. It’s only when you take an honest look at how the breakup made you feel, that you will be able to navigate through your emotions in a healthy way.
Eventually, you will be back out there dating again if you want to be. And, even if you choose not to, that’s fine too. You are never be defined by your relationships. You have the same value and worth in life regardless of whether you are in a relationship or doing life alone. You matter and make a difference in the world. Never forget that.
By Sherri Gordon